This week we have traveled back to PA to visit Tracie's family.
For some reason I did not have it in my head that we would be returning so soon to visit our former home. Seems like yesterday we just left, and it was quite a whirlwind we departed in. Though I was looking forward to seeing family, that is the only reason I was coming back to the area so soon. This had been my training ground, and this is the place where my biggest battles had been lost. Some won, but those seem so few in comparison. It's the really bad stuff that makes you suddenly breath deep, regretful sighs at the thoughts of what you have done. Those memories that haunt and plague you, even though forgiveness has been given. The voices scream "you are weak, you have no integrity, you are not really a man. Consequences from mistakes of yesterday surround you, like a pack of wild dogs surrounding a lone cowboy's campfire, waiting to devour you. Feels like there is no escape sometimes.
My only hope right now comes from a song that my grandfather use to sing in church. He was a man of integrity, a man of quiet humility. When he died, we sang this song at his funeral and the words go something like this.. "Grace, grace, God's grace, grace that has pardoned and cleansed within. Grace, grace God's grace, grace that is greater than all my sin."