Saturday, October 20, 2007

Shock and Awe

I'm not an argumentative person. In a group of people where there are many strong personalities, I tend to be the one who is quiet and introspective. I have found myself sitting in the middle of many heated discussions over the years, and have wondered how someone like myself can ever come out on top.

But I've figured out a way.

Occasionally, not often, but occasionally in a briefing or debriefing session before or after one of my sets in the prayer room, a subject will arise that causes controversy to some extent. Most debates are over minor stuff like the mechanics of the harp and bowl model, but some are over what we'll call the "grey areas". You know those things that one person might have the liberty to do in Christ, but the other person feels like is wrong, and the Bible doesn't make it really clear.

Most of the time when these discussions occur, I quietly wait for the half hour to tick by, and then leave saying nothing while everyone else is vibrating like they've had 16 shots of espresso! But alas, my melancholy friends out there, I have found a way to silence the great debaters, it's called "Shock and Awe". The next time I find myself in an IHOP debate, I'm going to wait for that well-known 20 second pause of silence, and I'm going to stand up and say the following:

"Well, at least we're not going to be here for the tribulation. Anybody wanna go get a beer? I just got the new Ozzie CD, you guys can ride with me and we can listen to it on the way, but first we have to stop by CVS, my wife just left me a message, her birth control prescription is in."

Then I will majestically walk out of the briefing room, possibly skipping and most certainly in silence. Yes, a hush will fall over the crowd. I will turn around and say, "Thank you very much Kansas City, I love you, good night."

You see folks, the key is shock and awe. Cram as much controversy as you can into one brief statement, so much controversy that no one knows what to rebut, and then make your exit.


Mike Wilday said...

I am going to have to try that one in my little semi-charismatic, charismatic church. You are incredibly funny, thanks.

Alaska1 said...

SO these are the thoughts of IHOP's best head bobbin guitar playing comic.

This post will go down in history as the "beat that" of all posts.

We miss you. Even though you never got to know us, we love you and all the Loux's there.

Keep the fire burning!

Sean The Red said...


That was incredible. Im groaning in the middle of my living room reading this progressively laughing more and more and more.

I need to shut up more and think like you!!!