Monday, June 23, 2008

The Naked Guy

I am a processor, which basically means this... I'm not the fastest thinker on my feet. But I also save myself from getting into some weird situations due to this need to process. The following story is a true story and I'm not sure exactly if I handled it the best way I could have. Never the less, I did the best I could with what God gave me.

Friday afternoon, I was driving home down Blue Ridge Blvd. after dropping off my lawn mower to the lawn mower fix it guy for like the 19th time this summer. I approached the light at the Ruskin High School intersection which had just turned red. As I came to a stop, I noticed a very strange sight in the right hand lane. I couldn't believe it at first, but then my brain caught up with my eyes. Standing there at the red light in all his glory was a naked guy.

Now folks, I'm not talking about inappropriately dressed, I'm talking inappropriately not dressed. Not a stitch of anything on this guy, not even sandals. He just stood there at the light with his hands in the air. I figure he was either drunk, high, or on some sort of personal freedom walk. I sat there in disbelief until the light turned green and I drove on by.

It was then that my brain kicked into gear and I thought, "What would Jesus do?" At that moment, I really didn't know. Would He have been caught in the same shock I was in? Or would He have sprung to action? After I was about 50 yards past him, I concluded that Jesus would have clothed him. But then I thought, "Wait, I can't do that. Then I'd be the naked guy."
And to be honest folks, my wife doesn't need that right now, so that option was out.

Then I thought, I could give him a ride, I knew he at least didn't have a weapon. But I just couldn't get over the "ewwwww" factor and also, what I would say to my wife when I picked her up and told her that I had just given a naked guy a ride home in the very seat she was sitting in.

About a mile down the road, I noticed that I had a beach towel in the back seat. Dang it, I thought, I could have at least given him that. Just my luck, I'll get to heaven and Jesus will say, "I was the naked guy and you drove right past me. Depart from me, you shall spend eternity in Branson, Missouri playing lead guitar for K.D. Lang."


Sean The Red said...

Im not a processor, Im a solver. Gets me into problems all the time...

1. Take the beach towel, put it on the seat, and drive him to the police station.

2. You get him to where he is going faster, whitout inconviencing (sp?) the police. It was right around the corner anyhow.

2. You avoid the ewwww factor

3. You avoid KD Lang and Branson.


walkingintherain said...

Hey, you did better than I would have done. You at least thought of the beach towel.

However, I'm not sure if it isn't a moot point. Would Jesus expect an unmarried young woman to stop and help out the naked (crazy?) guy?

If I'm ever in that situation I'm calling you.

Jennifer said...

John, I would have questioned your sanity if you decided that putting a naked man who clearly wasn't all at home upstairs into your vehicle where he would have close contact with you.

Ew ew ew. And I don't think God would send ANYONE to Branson. Not even for not giving a beach towel to a naked guy.

Matthew said...

I can only think of one way Jesus handled nudists. He cast the demons out of 'em! I'm sure you're up to snuff on your prayer and fasting, so I think you could handle it.

heartafteryou said...

hahahahahahahaahahahaahahahaa that happened to me twice in Chicago. each time it was so weird. i was just shocked w/ disbelief and looking for a plastic bag to throw up into

isaac b said...

I did a little search on youtube for KD Lang because I didn't know who he was. Turns out it's a she, so, avoid Branson at all costs.