This Offends Me and I'm A Guy!

Ladies, would you actually buy a dress in a store called "The Dress Barn?" I find the name of this store very offensive, and I'm a guy. To me associating the word "barn" with anything to do with the female gender is walking on dangerous ground. For example, saying things like "Gee honey, you know I love you, even though you're as big as a barn", or something like "Of course I can hit you from here, you're as big as a barn". Or how about, "Honey, what a lovely new fragrance, what's it called 'Essence of Barn'?" Or "Wow, you got really embarrassed when I said that, you were as red as a barn!" See what I mean?

What do the dresses look like anyway? All I can see are very large floral printed dresses with poofy sleeves, or how about some sweet one piece denim home-school mom jumpers! If they had an athletic department, I'm seeing polyester culottes, talk about spontaneous combustion!
And nightgowns? Lots of baggy flannel folks!

So guys, if you're looking for a dress for you wife, bringing one home in a box labeled "The Dress Barn", may not improve your marriage!

MOM THIS IS JUST FOR YOU! p.s. i love you dad!

This is my Dad, he calls himself the "Gospel Whistler" ... I'm not kidding either. The man can whistle any gospel tune you throw at him. Holidays are very interesting! Granted it sounds very similar to a cockatiel on LSD.

This is my Dad getting his game face on, right before he raced Quasi Modo to the top of the bell tower.

Guess who won?

Air Traffic Control

It seems since 911 that airports are getting more particular about what you can take on an airplane. Above is a glass display case full of items that you cannot take on an airplane flying out of the Kansas City Airport, please look them over carefully. Of course I was completely blind sided by these specific policies, and was quite ticked when I had to leave my chainsaw and blow torch with security. What happened to the good old days when you could safely stow your chainsaw under your seat and your blow torch in the overhead compartment? Of course, I know the real reason for these new policies, and it's not terrorism, folks. The fact of the matter is the pretzels and peanuts aren't free anymore! I've had two friends recently fly the friendly skies, and if they wanted the previously free snack items they had to pay for them. If some flight attendant told me that I had to pay a dollar for a stale bag of pretzels or annoyingly, over-salted peanuts; and I actually had a chain saw under my seat, you better believe I'd whip it out and demand a donut!

In all seriousness, do you really have to tell people not to bring these items, and what about all the things they left out... like a yak. "Sir, you're going to have to leave your yak behind" ... or a canoe. How about the all to common wood chipper! It would be much easier if they just showed you what you can take on. The glass case would simply include a fully clothed mannequin holding a magazine. There isn't that so much less confusing!

IF YOU KNEW

That JOHN LOUX had at least one, perhaps multiple, bloggable photos just sitting in iPhoto waiting for the boy to simply sit down and write his "MIND'S INNER RAMBLINGS" about said images, what would you do?

I for one might just hand cuff him to the dining room table til he BLOGS ALREADY!!
From, The Wife

Farewell From Shreveport

Folks there's a good chance that this is the last post I'll be blogging here from Shreveport. Just a few southern establishments we drove by on our stay that I wanted to share with you in closing. Most of them speak for themselves. Adios!

Cajun Daiquiris

Just look at the picture folks. Ya'll are pretty smart, you put two and two together. I'm still in shock and awe. A drive-thru Daiquiri stand? Bad day at work? Slip on by "Cajun Daiquiris" and enjoy a little drunk driving on the way home while you forget the rest of your day. I've seen it all now!

Pie Works

I was all excited when I saw this restaurant called "Pie Works". We were all ready to pull in for some good 'ole southern pie when we noticed the neon "Coors Light", "Bud Light" and various other cheap brews featured in the window display. Pie and Coffee, yes! Pie and Ice Cream, absolutely! But Pie and Beer, there just isn't enough red neck in me to go there!