MY 5150 vs. Rod Parsley's Butt

Here is yet another legendary picture from the Call Ohio. Notice I have highlighted a couple of things I'd like to point out. First of all, I got to play through a Peavey 5150 Eddie Van Halen 200 watt guitar amp, which is not real visible in the photo, thus the white arrow. I'll say two things about this amp. It sounds awesome and it's stinkin' loud! The second thing I highlighted is Rod Parsley's butt.

Now let me try to set the scene for you. Eddie James was playing before us and we were watching his set in the Green Room back stage. Close to the end of his set from out of nowhere, we hear this raspy type screaming- which kind of sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West and Axel Rose going through deliverance. Much to our surprise, it was Rod Parsley and when the camera finally focused on him, he was pretty much moshing in a fashion that Henry Rollins would be proud of.

So here's the thing, we had to follow Eddie James and Rod Parsley. How the heck are ya going to do that, it's like trying to go on after Zeppelin. Nobody went on after Zeppelin. So we did the only thing one can do in a situation like this, we went Celtic. We opened up with my brother's song "Sovereign God" and then later on he busted out his penny whistles. Hey, if you can't beat 'em- clog, that's what I always say!

Anyway, when I went on stage, Rod Parsley was in the position you see him in. His butt facing my very, very loud amp. I tried giving him and "audio" warning, by throwing in a few volume swells- that's when I turn the volume of the guitar off, play a note, and then slowly bring the volume up. In this case, I was saying, "Excuse me Mr. Parsley, unless you brought a new pair of shorts, you're going to want to move."

If any of you have ever heard the song "Sovereign God", it starts off very droning and laid back and then kicks in with a massive wall of sound. Let's just say, he moved!

My Hair and 10,000 People

This picture was taken by Jessica Gliserman at The Call in Cincinnati.

You'll notice 3 things.
1. There are a ton of people there.
2. That's Rod Parsley standing there pointing the microphone in front of me.
3. By the looks of my hair, it seems that I should be playing lead guitar for the "Little Rascals" rather than any worship band.
(and oh yeah, I'm very white)

Let me clarify folks. I arrived at the arena at 11AM and didn't play until 6:30PM; and not one of my friends, including my wife, told me that my hair looked like crap. My closest friends surrounded me: my family, the Bohlender's, and not even sweet Therese Engle- I thought she'd at least do that "mom" thing and lick her hand and smooth down my hair.

The sad thing about it is, I thought my hair was "rockin'" that day. It was finally getting to the length that I had had it a year or so before that I really liked- back then I was getting comments like, "Hey, you look like Keith Urban. " (of course back then I was tanning and working out)

Upon confronting my wife with this picture, she proceeded to tell me, "Honey, you have really thin hair and you're a tall, skinny man. When you have hair like that it only stays in place for like 30 minutes and then it flies all over the place."

My concern is, what else isn't she telling me? Like for instance:

"Oh yeah honey, I've been meaning to tell you, for the last two years, you've been walking around with your fly down."
OR
"Hey you should've kept tanning, because you have freakishly, white pasty skin, and when you stand in front of 10,000 people with 200 lights blazing on you, it's a wonder anybody can focus. You've got that whole Goth thing going without any make up!"

After her comment about my hair, I have gotten it cut- quite short. Of course the only problem now, being a tall, skinny man with white pasty skin and thinning hair, is my increasingly large, shinny forehead.

USA BANK ARENA: Cincinnati Ohio

Last month I had the privilege of playing at The Call with my brother at the USA Bank Arena in Cincinnati, Ohio. As we were unloading late at night, we walked down the hall that was a gallery of all the famous people that had played there: Billy Joel, Springsteen, Aerosmith, and as you can see in this picture, Sting and of course, me. Hey, there was an empty space next to him, I couldn't help myself. When else am I going to get this chance again, I'm 38.

As you can see Sting has his hand raised, I believe he is saying, "Righteous solo, dude."

I'm on to something ... or so I thought

I have been studying Revelation 6:17 and chapter 7, so I emailed my favorite end times expert KELSEY B to get her perspective on a few things.

Here's part of her response:
"It's interesting -- the KJV and NKJV say "His wrath", NASB and NIV say, "their wrath". When I look up the meaning of that word, it is typically singular, although can be plural (like "they", "themselves", etc.) Great thoughts on it though!.......


Kelsey

(So basically, Mrs. B was saying, "Nice try homeboy, you need to upgrade whatever version you're reading," In short, the little golden nugget I thought I had found was skewed a tad by the translation I was using.)


I RESPONDED WITH THE FOLLOWING:

Kelsey,

Yeah I figured maybe it was a translation issue on my part. I have the “JESUS LOVES ME PICTURE BIBLE” so it might not be a great translation for everything.
It’s a paraphrase, so pretty much the book of Revelation is summed up into the following one sentence with a picture of the world on fire... “It’s gonna suck, so get your crap together, but don’t worry, eventually it will pan out in the end ... hopefully. Oh yeah, and don’t change anything in this book or else it won’t, at least for you anyway “


John

Ed and the Age to Come

I went to pick up the kids from school today. I pulled into my parking spot, got out of the car, yelled for them to get in the car, got the kids loaded up, and started backing out, when I heard my oldest son Nick say, "Dad, stop you're gonna hit Ed."

I put on the brakes, looked through the rear window to see Ed Hackett walking his daughter to his car, completely unaware that he could have been tagged by a Subaru.

My son yelled out, "Dad, you can't hit Ed Hackett. If you hit Ed Hackett, you'll really end up low on the totem pole in the Millenial Kingdom. You think your ice cream truck job would be really bad, if you hit Ed Hackett, you'll end up shoveling holy horse poop for a thousand years!"

Now for those of you that don't know Ed, let me try to describe him by giving you this analogy. If the Lord himself came down and visited me in a dream, and said, "Son, you've kind of been an idiot most of your life, but I'm going to extend grace to you one more time. I'm going allow you to morph into anyone you want to. Choose wisely. You will take on their characteristics and live as they would."

Without hesitation folks, Ed Hackett would be in my top 5, possibly even my top 2. Simply said, Ed is one of the most kind, caring, compassionate, Holy Spirit filled, Christ-like people on the planet. He's one of those people you look at and say "I'm not sure if I'm one of God's favorite, but I'm pretty sure Ed is one of God's favorite."

Anyway, I'm glad my son got my attention today. I could just picture myself years from now shoveling horse poo poo and a big ole' angel comes up to me and says, "What did you do to deserve that?"

"I hit Ed Hackett with my Subaru."

Random Things People Have Said to Me This Week

Have you ever had someone you know say something to you to encourage you or show that they care, but it ends up coming out all wrong?

Here are some random quotes from this week:

1. "Hey John, How are ya? Have you lost weight? You look skinnier than normal." (to some of you that might be a compliment, but to a guy who has tried to bulk up all his life and get away from the whole Anorexic Gandhi vibe, it wasn't a huge confidence boost.)

2. This one came after I had just finished playing a set. "Hey, I really like what you play on the guitar. Well actually, what I meant to say was 'I like your moves', you move like a famous 70's rock star. Your guitar playing is good though."

I've actually gotten the "moves" compliment before. Someone told me once "Man you were just up there rockin'. You look just like John Mellencamp. That was cool, 'cause I like Mellencamp, but a 70's rock star??? All I could picture was Styx in glam band spandex.

Leave it to Squirrely

This past Tuesday was a beautiful, warm Autumn day. I was driving on the back roads behind the Prayer Room, making my way to Grandview Road with the windows down. It was a picture perfect day. The sun was shining through the brilliant colors in the trees. A warm breeze was blowing. It couldn't get any better than that.

As I was driving, I saw two squirrels playing in the road up ahead. They too were enjoying this incredible day. All I can tell you is that it was like a Disney movie, everything was brilliant in color and in slow motion. The squirrels seemed to be part of some new wonderful talking-animal kids movie. You know the kind that just sucks you in, where the girl dog comes running over the hills with a bow in her hair, ears flopping, and the boy dog sees the girl dog and does a double take, runs toward her, drooling out the side of his mouth, and they both spend the afternoon running through a field of daisies.

The squirrels just seemed to be dancing in mid air. I was totally mesmerized. So mesmerized in fact that I ran them over. I'm not kidding!

I've never been in a car, whether driving or riding where a squirrel was run over. Every single time, even though they seem to wait until the last second, they always, always, always get out of the way! Not this time. I was shocked and horrified at the sound of the thud. I looked in my rear view mirror to see that I had totally wiped out not one, but two squirrel lovers, who were not dancing, but mating in the middle of 113th Street.

But hey, at least they died happy.